I h8 change.

Yesterday, I did almost 7 different comps for stationery sets and I’ve come up with NOTHING. I’m feeling really uninspired right now. I think today, I’m going to do some work on my standards guide---maybe if I break up some of this work, I won’t feel such a mind block. Ugh.

Janessa & Jessamine take this Jazzercise! (it just works better with an exclamation mark, I think) class every few days and for students on Spring Break, you can have unlimited Jazzercise! classes for 9 days, for $20. Janessa paid for my membership and I’ve been going these past few days and I. Am. Sore. Those old ladies sure can move. It reminds me of that time I did those water aerobic classes last summer. Summer feels so long ago. So much has changed since then.

So I just spent the past hour browsing magazines for this advertisement-busy-work-assignment for Capstone. LAME. We have to find 8 ads and then find out the grid and typefaces/sizes they used... and from that information, we’re supposed to create a unique ad of our own. Does this contradict to you too? That’s what I thought.

My mom keeps asking me what my plans for after graduation are going to be. Ugh, I don’t know! I want to do a lot of things. I want to move to Los Angeles, I want to have money, I want to design like mad. But at the same time--I need to be realistic. But since when have I been realistic? I am completely and utterly insane and irrational. I never do anything in a conventional way...things just kind of fall into place. And I think it’s all coming back to bite me in the ass now.

I went to the dentist yesterday (no cavities, btw) and even Dr. Swee (a fantastic dentist, even if he is from Iowa) was nagging me about what I was going to do after graduation and if I’ve been job-searching. He is a really swee(t) (ha) guy, and even gave me some names of some of his patients that work for architectural/engineering firms that need designers. I guess I could contact them. But before all that, I need to do school work---which feels like such a step backwards, you know? I am just feeling like I’m trapped between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to graduate. Also. It’s been really hard just being at home and knowing that at one point, I’m not going to be going “back” anywhere--like Kirksville or Truman or LA or something like that. And it’s kind of depressing. Also, I haven’t talked to Kenny in like forever and he is a constant of mine. I just feel really... LOST right now. uggghgripegripebitchbitchmoanugggh.

Okay, back to the grind.

- Jessica.